Oh, Javier

There really isn't anything left to say about "No Country for Old Men" — which may be the finest Cohen Brothers movie ever (and I have seen them all) — so I won't go into detail. But too few movies lately have made me curl my toes in fear, or have shut up my fellow moviegoers and left them dazed as they walked out of the theater. The last villain to inspire this kind of desperate fear in me was Jason. In 1986. At a sleepover. Thank you, Javier Bardem.

The New York Times' best of 2007 lists came out today, and I was really surprised that it wasn't on all of them. There are very few scenes that I have witnessed that have inspired such fear in me as the one where Josh Brolin and Bardem come face to face for the first time in a rickety old west Texas hotel. I hope that these two actors — along with the irreproachable Tommy Lee Jones — get a few Oscar nods when the season rolls around.

'The Song Remains the Same'

Last night we went to "The Song Remains the Same," the Led Zeppelin concert movie about their appearance at Madison Square Garden in 1973, at the Egyptian Theatre.

Holy crap! I don't even know how to explain all the awesomeness.

It was put up on the big screen by a local rock station that gave away tickets. We happened on ours because a friend's wife didn't want to go (WTF?), which left us with a group of drunks, local celebrities, small children and innumerable stoned high school students.

In the lobby, this big bearded (superdrunk) guy was telling the story of how he moved to Boise. "Well, you know that song by Lynrd Skynrd? The one that starts out, 'It's eight o'clock in Boise, Idaho'? Yeah, well I heard that and thought Boise sounded like a cool place. So I moved."

The guy who sat in front of us had a seeing-eye dog and a jack and coke in one hand and a beer in the other, which he sloshed all over the seats. Before the movie started, he got all agitated and started yelling, "The dog drank my jack and coke! Fucking drank it!" He offered the dog his beer instead.

After a little girl who looked just like the kid from "Little Miss Sunshine" won the Zeppelin box set during a raffle and ran up the aisle clutching it to her chest as if it were the Hope Diamond, the show started. So did the smoking.

Oh my God, guys, the fantasy sequences are like the most awesome bits of kitsch you have ever seen in your life. Robert Plant as Gawain the Green Knight! Jimmy Page ages 100 years (totally realistically, too) in two minutes! John Paul Jones' bizarre Dutch boy haircut!

I have to say that the John Bonham fantasy sequence made me super sad. Here's the rest of these jackasses making epic-yet-ridiculous little movies about slaying dragons and shit and and his fantasy boils down to hanging out with his kid, racing cars, and drinking at the local pub. Aww!

Anyway, totally worth seeing on the big screen if you can do it for free. But who am I kidding? I would totally pay to see that 26 minute version of "Dazed and Confused" again. And so would the middle-aged lady behind me, who started raving, "Jesus fucking Christ! Fucking A!" every time they showed Robert Plant's package. And that happened a lot, guys. A lot.

Bordello Christmas

I don't usually decorate much for Christmas because the tree seems like the most important part of the deal, you know? But when you aren't home for Christmas green tree = fire hazard. So for the past few years my festive holiday decor has consisted of a miniature red tinsel tree and a string of sad bubble lights blinking wearily in the front window.
But that's all changing this year. Hello, bordello Christmas! My mom dragged me and my dad to a Michael's the other day. Holy crap! Who knew that Christmas had taken a turn for the tacky? After years of uber-tasteful Martha Stewart Christmas colors inspired by chicken eggs or some shit, it seems that this year's big trend is feathers. UGLY feathers. Gypsy Rose Lee feathers. The dwindling cash in my bank account stopped me from buying a wreath crafted out of feathers and jingle bells (available in both white and pink, of course) and a tree made entirely out of dyed pink feathers. A whole tree! Seriously. If Belle Watling decorated for the little baby Jesus' birthday, it would have looked like this.
Here are some of my favorites from the Internets. I know you're inspired!